The other day, while I was at the soccer game. My friend got me a bottle of water from the foodstand. I finally finished drinking it today (yes I am a camel). So I was looking at the label out of boredom and it said, in very new age pretty blue font: "Jones Natural Artisan Water, not from the tap". What the hell does that mean? Is there such a thing as "unnatural water?" what would that be called? "irradiated mutated water"? I imagine the Jones company probably has a beautifully and lovingly crafted workshop in the back of their bottling factory filled with solemn elves carefully stacking hydrogen atoms onto oxygen atoms to create the most intricate patterns of water molecule designed to quench the thirst of even the most picky human. How else can it deserve the "artisan" description. and I certainly hope it wasn't directly from the tap since we probably paid 3 bucks for this fancy artisan water and I can get tap water for free!!
What is next? designer air?